Wednesday, December 4, 2013

Generational Gaps

Two of my coworkers are arguing with each other.  One is considerably older than the other. They both feel like they have been slighted by the other.  They really should agree to disagree, but that didn't happen.  The older of the two is generous to a fault.  She has treated us to dinner and lunch on several occasions.  She has spent a significant amount of money.  She needed to pay the younger co worker for something that her granddaughter needed for cheer-leading.  The older coworker is leaving in two weeks and she felt she shouldn't pay and that the younger co worker should consider her feelings and all the things she has done for her.

Instead of allowing the situation to blow up I encouraged my younger coworker to smooth things over with our older coworker.  Unfortunately these situations keep happening.  Should the younger person always defer to the older person?  At what point do you tell someone older about themselves?  If you tell them off, are you being disrespectful?  Was I wrong to tell her to defer to our coworker?

If the coworker was going to stay, I would not have encouraged the deferential role.  Sometimes you have to let people know how you feel and let them know that they are wrong.  You can do that in a respectful manner by being forthright and direct.  But don't expect the person to change their behaviors. They will probably just change their interactions with you.

As a young lady I was raised to be respectful to my elders and I usually am.  I just hope that when I get older I remember how I felt as a young woman.  I want to remember that I am not infallible.  I want to continue to learn from the young.  I want to be that foxy older lady.  I want to age with wisdom and grace.

Tuesday, December 3, 2013

Well I'd Never.....

We are all quick to say what we won't do.  I would never steal.  I would never cheat. I would never lie.  Yet we struggle with these three things daily. According to twitter, you all have morals and scruples.  According to your actions you definitely cheat, lie and steal.

Now I am not leaving myself out of the equation.  I strive to not do those things, but I come up short quite a bit.  I often get quiet when it comes to certain relationship scenarios.  I can't tell any of you how to conduct your lives, but I know that many of us say we would leave a no good cheating man, but it may take longer than we anticipated. There is a reason  that folks continue to repeat the same behaviors.  They repeat them because taking the high road ain't easy.  It is kinda like the baby principle.  A baby wets his diaper yet he cries when you try to change it.  Some of us are in deep poo but it's comfortable.  So we stay in bad situations because they are comfortable. The flesh is weak and sometimes we are weak.  I am not gonna judge the behavior because I know I have done some dumb stuff, all in the name of love.  Some of the things I did were so stupid, I refuse to share them.  Just know that those reality show ladies are not alone in their shenanigans.  Or in the words of my Grandmother... "keep living chile".  Oh, and I hope your denials keep you warm at night.

Monday, December 2, 2013

Monday Morning Hangover (I bought them too much again)

Each year I set a budget for my Christmas shopping.  I even downloaded a Christmas list app, and lo and behold... I still overspent.  I purchase things with my children in mind and this time was no exception.  The problem is, I still have not purchased any clothes for them.  This year they all are attending schools that do not require uniforms.  So they are going to need clothes too.  I still have people on my list and I probably should feel guilty, but I do not.

I have a confession to make.... I love to give gifts.  Gift giving makes me feel so good.  And once I got out of my own way I realized that I love giving so much more than receiving.  Since I had my babies, I have realized that I don't really care much about gifts.... The only person I expect a gift from is my spouse.... Any extra is just gravy.  I also don't purchase gifts for myself until after Christmas, if I decide to purchase them at all.  So I say that I am upset at my spending.... but I am lying.  I am not.  Let's just hope that in January, I am not crying the blues.  I hope you all got out and did a little shopping, or in my case did a little shopping online.

I am leaving you with a little music to get you in the mood.....

Wednesday, November 27, 2013

Cheap Gifts 5 Dollars or less

I have lots of nieces and nephews to buy gifts for.  Since there are so many of them I try to keep my gifts to a minimum price point.  I usually gift them something that is 5 bucks.  So in the interest of saving money yet gifting them with something meaningful, here are some of my gift giving ideas.

  1. Gift Cards!  I almost always give gift cards to the teenagers or tweens in my life.   Many of the have tablets ad e-reading apps.  So a 5 dollar gift card is awesome.  They can get a game, game tokens on facebook/ovoo or whatever gaming site they use, or they can purchase books from Barnes and Noble or Amazon.com.  And for little kids you can even get the gift cards to Target, Wendy's, McDonalds or even Walmart.
  2. 100 Piece Art set at Michaels and a coloring book is an excellent gift.  The kids get a lot of gifts from their parents and they will be needing something to entertain them while waiting to eat at various functions.  They may also need entertainment on the trip to grandma's house as well.  Can't go wrong with a crayon and coloring books... At 2.49cents it is a steal
3.  Watches and Jewelry are also awesome gifts.  In this cellphone era, many children and adults do not have watches.  If you have budding fashionistas on your list they love to accessorize.  I purchased 17 gifts for 5 bucks or less at the website http://www.miniinthebox.com.

Tuesday, November 26, 2013

Learning to Manage your Disappointment

This morning was a teachable moment.  At 3:23 am I was awakened by the sweet voice of my son.  He was telling me that his big sister had thrown up in the bed.  I sent her to wash up... stripped that puky bed and made a pallet in the living room for my two other children.  At about 5 am she came to me in tears because she was supposed to attend a breakfast at her school with her dad.  She had been anticipating this event for a week.  She cried and cried and in my efforts to console her, I told her that being sick was unfortunate, but it happens.  She cried and said but mom what if I miss Thanksgiving with the whole family because I am sick?  I then told her, we will just eat at home, and mommy will spend lots of time with you to make it fun.  She looked a bit apprehensive but she later told me I was the best mommy.  I then told her that I was striving to be the best, but sometimes I come up short. (I probably should have just said thanks.)  But she hugged her "wonderful" mother anyway.  She is awesome like that.

I am extra sensitive to the disappointment in my children because I was often disappointed.  I had very strict parents, and punishments and whippings were meted out often.  I remember being put on punishment and not receiving anything for my birthday. Or being told I couldn't go to the movies because of some phantom infraction.  I internalized a lot of anger and distrust.  I was often sad because of always having things I looked forward to taken away.  Over and over again. Yet I did not give up hope.  I was ever the optimist as a child. Although many days I cried about it.  I realized that my parents were parenting the best way that they knew how.  So I always forgave them when they disappointed me.

 As I look at my life I have had some disappointing and devastating things happen to me but I found a way to overcome them.    Life is full of disappointments, and sometimes I feel as if I have had way more than my fair share.  Yet I keep pressing my way.  It is imperative that you get used to things being disappointing because life can be disappointing....It's all about how you choose to deal with it.



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